My head feels like a pile of poop. But I talked to a co-worker who lost her dad early December, and she said she's just starting to feel a little clarity now. She said she didn't know if it was because she's just starting to really deal with the loss. we had this conversation because I told her how I was feeling just kind of foggy and lost today. That's not even really a good description. I felt - disconnected. Like my body was HERE, but my brain was somewhere else. An out of body experience where you still have to answer the phone.

Anyway, my mood is rubbing off on poor Marv, who was, I think, in a relatively good mood when we met for lunch, but while I tried to convey a perkier attitude than I was feeling, I could feel his buoyancy fading. And I feel guilty. I don't mean to bring anyone down, and I swear I'm trying to be "up," but I fear that I've never been much of a liar, and it shows on my face anyway. I'm trying so hard not to think about it that it ends up being all I can think about.

So after work, we went to Grand Plaza and had a sampler platter, then he wanted to walk home. It's frickin' freezing, so I guess that's how bad he wanted to get away from me. But I drove him home anyway and went to get gas in the car. My gas gauge isn't working properly. One more thing to worry about, but at least it's still under warranty. so I came home with the intention of putting in a movie and finishing up some clay stuff that I started eighty seven years ago. (Did I mention that my kiln should be back up to par now???) But I was freezing cold and decided that I would just warm up the electric blanket and stick my toes under there. then I thought, Well, I meant to write anyway, so why not do that? now I think I'll do my yoga. I have to do that anyway, and it will warm me up and give me some energy. I was too full before, so maybe now I'll do that.

Criminy, what's my word count? Maybe I should force myself to write a certain number of words. Or force myself to be meaningful. Or at least make sense. Nah. That's too much pressure. So it's 8:45pm now, and I'll do my yoga and then who knows. Maybe I'll do some pottery before I totally poop out.

Okay, it's an hour later and I did the yoga. My carpet stinks like animal pee. Dog or cat, who can tell? It's DisGUSTING. God, I wish I could rip up the carpet and start over. But perhaps I'll go rent a carpet cleaner again. or maybe just sew the animals' pee holes shut. GOD!